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When I was a kid and folks used to interrogate me about what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d always say, "I wanna be a fish." This was, naturally, before I found that this was a bone headed career choice. So I quit telling that one around.

Point is, I’ve always had a kinship with the creatures of the sea. That’s probably why I’m such a gung-ho diver and have occasionally forgot my human limitations and got myself into some deep, deep guano.

Which brings me round to my story. There I was at 50 feet, blown off by my dive buddy, down to my last 600 pounds of air, and seriously tangled in some real possessive kelp. My knife was tangled out of reach, I was near panic – and running out of the near part pretty fast – with no options, so to speak.

Now I’m here telling this story, so I must’ve figured a way out. But if it was you telling me the ending to this instead of the other way around, it’d be a few days before the laughing stopped. But I gotta tell it, just the same.

Amazingly enough, it took me only about two minutes to chew through the kelp stems. I told you it was gonna sound wild. At first, it was just a kind of impulsive reaction, but I wasn’t tangled bad, just in a few bad places. Taking turns between tooting off my reg and chewing stipes, I managed to do it.

Now you know I gotta give you the lesson-learned part of this tale, so here goes: never, never, scuba dive alone, but never completely depend on anyone else to save your ass. Oh, and by the way, brush regularly and visit your dentist often, cause you never know when you might need to chew yourself out of a jam.

Sea you on the dive boat...
Bwana